My Baby Is Refusing the Breast After I Returned to Work. What Happened?
You finally return to work after spending months breastfeeding your baby. You are ready for the long-awaited reunion at the end of the day, and you expect your baby to want to nurse.
Instead, your baby refuses the breast.
Maybe they pull away, cry, arch their back, or seem frustrated as soon as you try to feed them. You may start wondering, “Did I do something wrong?” or even, “Is my baby weaning?”
Take a pause.
Returning to work can change your baby’s feeding routine in a lot of ways. Sometimes, those changes can affect what happens when you are back together.
Your baby may be eating differently while you’re apart
When your baby starts daycare, their feeding routine may look very different from what it looked like at home.
Many babies naturally take smaller, more frequent feeds when they are breastfeeding directly. Bottles can make it easier to take larger amounts more quickly, especially when they are not being offered with paced bottle feeding techniques.
Daycare providers are also caring for several babies at once, so feeding may happen on a schedule that works for the group rather than following every early hunger cue. Your baby may end up taking larger bottles less often than they would breastfeed with you.
Your baby may not be as hungry when you get home
If your baby has taken several large bottles during the day, they may not be very hungry when you get home.
You may be ready to reconnect through breastfeeding, but your baby may be thinking, “I’m full.”
This can be especially frustrating when you have been looking forward to nursing all day.
It can also create a cycle where your baby takes larger bottles during the day, has less interest in breastfeeding when you are together, and then gradually spends less time at the breast.
Your milk supply may also be adjusting
Returning to work often changes how frequently milk is removed from your breasts.
You may go from breastfeeding throughout the day to several hours of separation. Even if you are pumping while you are at work, the timing and amount of milk removal may be different from what your body was used to. Your milk supply may adjust to this new routine.
You may also notice that your breasts feel different, your pumping output changes, or your milk takes longer to let down when you are at work.
What if your baby nurses well at night but refuses during the day?
This can be especially confusing.
Your baby may refuse to breastfeed when you first get home but happily nurse before bed or throughout the night. It may mean your baby is capable of breastfeeding but is having difficulty transitioning between the feeding routines they experience during the day and the breast when they are with you.
Some babies also breastfeed more frequently overnight after returning to daycare. They may be getting more of their milk while they are with you, while also getting used to their daytime routine.
There is not necessarily one “correct” pattern. The important thing is understanding whether your baby is getting enough milk and whether the current routine is working for both of you.
What can you do if your baby refuses the breast?
Start by taking the pressure off.
If your baby is crying, arching, or becoming increasingly upset, continuing to push the breast into their mouth usually does not make breastfeeding easier. Give your baby a chance to calm down and try again when they are more relaxed.
You can also experiment with when you offer the breast. Some babies are more willing to nurse when they are sleepy, right after waking, or in a quiet room with fewer distractions.
Skin-to-skin contact can also give you time together without making breastfeeding the immediate goal.
The goal is to make being at the breast feel comfortable and familiar again rather than turning every feeding into a struggle.
It may also help to look at what is happening at daycare
If your baby is consistently taking large bottles less frequently, talking with their caregiver about how bottles are being offered may help.
Paced bottle feeding can help slow the flow of milk and give babies more opportunities to notice their own fullness. Offering smaller amounts and responding to hunger and fullness cues may also help some babies maintain a feeding pattern that is closer to breastfeeding.
This does not mean every baby needs exactly the same amount in every bottle or that daycare has to recreate breastfeeding. It’s just another piece of the puzzle if your baby is suddenly less interested in breastfeeding when you are together.
What if your baby seems frustrated at the breast?
Pay attention to what happens when your baby latches.
Are they sucking but not swallowing? Are they pulling off repeatedly? Are they becoming upset because milk is flowing too slowly or too quickly? Does your milk take longer to let down than it used to?
There can be several reasons a baby becomes frustrated at the breast.
Sometimes it is related to the baby’s feeding skills. Sometimes the change is simply part of adjusting to a new routine.
If the frustration continues, watching a feeding can help you figure out what is actually happening instead of trying one solution after another.
Don’t assume your baby is weaning
A sudden refusal of the breast can feel like your baby is telling you they are finished breastfeeding, but a temporary breast refusal is not the same thing as a baby deciding to wean.
Babies can go through feeding strikes for many reasons. Changes in routine, illness, teething, distraction, changes in milk flow, and other factors can all affect breastfeeding.
If your baby is still breastfeeding at some times but refusing at others, that is another reason not to assume breastfeeding is over.
When should you get help?
If your baby is refusing the breast consistently, is not taking enough milk by another method, is having fewer wet diapers, is not gaining weight appropriately, or seems uncomfortable during feeds, it is worth getting help.
You may want to reach out if you are experiencing a significant drop in milk supply, pain, repeated frustration at the breast, or you simply feel like something has changed and you cannot figure out why.
You do not have to wait until your baby has completely stopped breastfeeding. The earlier you understand what is happening, the more options you may have.
Returning to work changes breastfeeding. It doesn’t have to end it.
Going back to work can change the way you and your baby feed. Your baby may eat differently during the day. Your milk supply may adjust. Your evenings may look different than they did before you returned to work. That does not mean you have to stop breastfeeding.
Sometimes you need to adjust the daytime feeding routine. Sometimes you need to change how bottles are offered. And sometimes your baby simply needs some time to get used to the new rhythm.
Returning to work changes your breastfeeding relationship. It doesn’t have to end it.
If you are struggling with breast refusal, head to www.kentuckybreastfeedingcenter.com/schedule-an-appointment/ to learn how to work with me.